Monday, June 20, 2011

Anyway

Do you ever feel like you are transparent, misunderstood or not known even to those very close to you?
I do.
My big brother once told me....
"When you do good and it is not good enough,
do good anyway.

When people are unreasonable or selfish,
love them anyway.
What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight,
 build anyway."
 I listen to my brother. 
I have built my whole life and my friendships with nothing but time, care and love.  

But now I need to know...
When a close friend comes to me and says "I miss you"....
 because she disappeared from my life, leaving me hurting, leaving me wondering, leaving me asking for way too long what is wrong. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting...now tells me it was all about her own made up demons...
Or
when a friend doesn't know anything about me or my life anymore, good or bad, because she so rarely asks about me but still wants more from me than I can give,
do I give it anyway? 


Hugs to you all!

XO



fin


photo credit castles crowns & cottages & kathy hutchison from pinterest





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34 comments:

  1. *The Beautiful Life*June 20, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    Hon, you and I both might benefit from a book called Boundaries (by John Townsend)...

    I have people in my life who fit both of your scenarios --- and then some. And I suspect, as long as we walk this earth we always will have "those people".

    I try to maintain the approach that I will keep giving even when "they" are truly just taking... but sometimes... sometimes... I begin to rethink that "wisdom". ;)

    I do think I hold those people a bit more at arms' length once their "pattern" or "m.o." is apparent... but I've never been one to outright abandon anyone -- even when others have long since done so.

    Hugs to you --- there are those on this earth who do not live beautifully. It has always been so. You are not one of them. :)

    ~Ruth

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  2. à la parisienneJune 20, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    Janet,

    These post is so pertinent and meaningful to every woman, I would assume. I believe that we are to give anyway, but I admit, at times, it can be so hard to overcome hurt emotions and disappointments in relationships to give anyway. I guess it comes down to unconditional love and true humility-something we must all work on possessing.

    Thank you for the transparent post-It speaks to the heart.

    Mandy

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  3. SplenderosaJune 20, 2011 at 7:35 PM

    Asking these questions only comes with maturity and experience. For me, I've found I must circle the wagons sometimes. Which means my circle of friends becomes smaller and some are left out of the circle. We meet people all throughout our life. Some stay, some go. This is all part of what we needed at that time. And, this isn't selfish...it is the normal ebb & flow of life and cycles. I have a girlfriend who actually never asks me if I'm OK, she talks talks talks about nothing, she fails to see her husband failing, but I remain her friend because I know she needs me, not vice versa. So, in the end, it has to be what you and you alone think. I hope this helps. xx's & hugs...

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  4. The Polka Dot ClosetJune 20, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    I say yes! I had a dear friend who did the same thing she just left my life, no reason, no fight....I would give anything if she wanted to be in my life again! Don't pass up the opportunity.

    Carol

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  5. Celine HenkeJune 20, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    Sweet and Touching. Lovely Post

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  6. JemimagoldJune 20, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    I think you are entitled to let them both go... Spend your time and energy on people you love and who love you back.

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  7. Sea WitchJune 20, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    You do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do. Do not sell yourself short, keep your dignity and pass on your heart wherever you can. Sea witch

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  8. KathysueJune 20, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    oh Fin, A very good question and one that I actually asked my self today. I came to this conclusion: No matter how others treat me and no matter how I sometimes would like to respond. I must always, always be true to the person God has made me to be. Once I am that, then it is up to the other person to respond, I can do no more. I once read this saying:
    Sometimes people put up walls just to see who loves them enough to knock them down.
    my thoughts are with you,
    Kathysue

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  9. Paris Flea MarketJune 20, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    Hi booty sounds to me that someone has disappointed you,,that is sad but remember life is just too short to be hurt by insensitive people,,besides good friends will always be there for you no matter what,,,know go find some pretty sea shells and get busy creating,,thats what makes u happy

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  10. French CuriositésJune 20, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    One of the things that comes with taking care of ourselves is learning how to put parameters on what we are willing to allow in to our lives. Those decisions can be hard to come to terms with, but are necessary at times. I have been in a situation much like you describe and the parameters I spoke of were much needed. Best of luck with your decision.

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  11. KarenaJune 20, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    Janet, dear, very moving. I, as Marsha have limited my circle of friends that I keep close to my heart.

    On the other hand sometimes I draw back because I am not wanting to burden a friend with what may be happening in my life.

    Whatever I am going through, no matter, I give back and pay it forward every chance I get. Thinking of you.....

    xoxo
    Karena
    Art by Karena

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  12. Gypsea NurseJune 21, 2011 at 12:35 AM

    Beautiful post..and I feel as though I am in the same spot.. I am alone...
    I have been betrayed....
    But I try ..although hard to stay strong..
    You can do it!
    Always remember who YOU are....
    and that is beautiful.

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  13. AnonymousJune 21, 2011 at 5:01 AM

    The best thing to do in my opinion is to keep your friends close, especially the ones that are the closest ones to you. I cannot stay mad with my best friend and it is the same case no matter what she does. She is too precious to me.

    Treasure them and be patient. The results are worth it even if you are miles away from them.

    May I just say how wonderful your post was.It made my day and cheered me up as I was having the same thoughts yesterday!!

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  14. JudithJune 21, 2011 at 5:15 AM

    Someone close to me said that not every friend we have will be with us forever, sometimes they come into our lives just to show us how we shouldn't treat someone we call a friend.

    Hope you find the answer you seek.

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  15. TaliaJune 21, 2011 at 6:44 AM

    What a heartfelt post. I don't have an answer but to say sometimes people come into our lives and stay. And sometimes they just come for a visit.

    Hugs to you.

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  16. La DolfinaJune 21, 2011 at 6:55 AM

    Forgiveness is selfish.
    It's all about you :)

    I love you forever!!!

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  17. Jo FarmerJune 21, 2011 at 7:28 AM

    A beautiful heartfelt post. Just stay true to who you are. We are all wired very differently so if you need answers then perhaps discuss your feelings with your friends. If you are able to move past the hurt then accept them knowing you may find yourself in this situation again at some point; you will however, be better equipped to deal with it... Whatever you decide, I hope it soothes your heart x

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  18. UnknownJune 21, 2011 at 8:04 AM

    ...there are blogs that are beau-ti-ful,
    and those that drip with inspiration ~ and others still, that transend earthly matters...
    EVERY single visit to this magical place, is as if I am at the sea's hem, looking out at magnifigance, humbled by the beauty to behold as far as the eye can see...you bring this.
    Very few possess this gift!

    I believe there is a reason God has said, guard your hearts...
    and believe that there are those that are brought into our lives to teach us about such things as love, grace, beauty...gratefulness...
    and the list goes on ~
    sometimes including betrayal, hurt, and sorrow so deep, there are not enough butterfly kisses to heal it...
    but in the end, I still want to be know as a soul with an open hand ~ giving all that I had even when there was nothing left to give. ~ and if I look back, and see no tresures of my own, I need only to look within my own heart and know that there is peace...
    a giving soul is always questioning, is it enough enough? am I enough??
    a taker always asks, what do you have for me today?!

    stay true to your beautiful soul, dear heart, and know that it is more than enough!!

    xoxo

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  19. JillJune 21, 2011 at 1:37 PM

    That's tough ... I've been in this position myself ... after a TON of soul searching I had to realize that MY friendship was way too toxic and one sided to be "healthy" ... I cut ties once and for all, knowing I could no longer help this person ... they needed to help themselves and they were draining me emotionally! However, only YOU can sort out your feelings about your friend ... don't be afraid to be true to yourself ... sometimes we are pressured to do what LOOKs like the right thing, but you will be the only one to care about your own health and sanity in a oneway friendship. Do what feels right to YOU ... either way ; )

    xo
    Jill

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  20. koraleeJune 21, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    Oh my friend...you have to do what's best for you...your heart will know. Friendships are hurtful at times..I wish you much love as you decide what is best for you. Hugs. xoxoxo

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  21. Cottage PanacheJune 21, 2011 at 11:31 PM

    Friend or acquaintance, we ourselves have to decide which one. Acquaintances will come and go but true friends are everlasting and will have your back through thick and thin. They can be brutally honest and tell you like it is. Some are givers and some are takers. You can do for others and feel good about what you did, not expecting anything in return, even though it may hurt when they don't notice that you are hurting for something they did or said (or didn't say!)
    Distance is the best medicine for time is distance and allows time to heal.
    Make yourself busy and before you know all will be well. Pray for the one that made you feel this way for they are also hurting and they just don't know!

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  22. PoussyJune 22, 2011 at 6:11 AM

    Dearest Janet,

    I visit your blog everyday from my little village in Provence...
    Iread you with my eyes and with my heart, and your wonderful posts are a sign of what you are: a true angel!
    Don't worry, there's never any suffering that can't be a lesson.
    For who you are, thank you dear Janet, a thousand times, and don't forget: without you, the world would not be beautiful!

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  23. Ingrid MidaJune 22, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Dear Janet,
    No one can answer this question except for you because there is no right answer. Do what feels right to you but know that not all friendships are meant to last. You are such a kind, generous and beautiful soul and a real friend would know that.

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  24. Annette PiperJune 23, 2011 at 6:08 AM

    A timely post - I think sometimes we have to do what's best for us, you can only give so much before you get exhausted and drained and then the ones that are closer to you and who need you just as much will suffer. Ultimately you have decide how much you can give.

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  25. PlamiJune 23, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    These are so beautiful! The look so soft and fragile!

    XoXo
    Plami

    http://fashion-thrill.blogspot.com/

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  26. The Gossamer TearoomJune 23, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    My Dear Janet,
    I wish I had something useful to say to you about this subject, but unfortunately I have been in similar situations and didn't even know what to tell myself! I hope you are able to find some peace about this and just know that I consider you to be a friend. I very much look forward to seeing you at The Tearoom on Saturday!

    Hugs for you,

    Betty

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  27. berylJune 23, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    Janet!!! Do you know you made the three of us girls (after a very,long and stress-filled day), wonder with excitement what could possibly be in the package that arrived in tonight's mail? We did not recognize the return address at first? Alexandra carefully opened the box and saw the card that was signed "Janet"..."Mommy!", she exclaimed, it is Janet, Janet!" With just pure, innocent and wondrous, simple joy, she and her sister Arianna lifted the beautiful and delicately precious paper crosses out of their paper wrappings, and they both hugged in amazement, their hearts lifted by a gesture so, so endearing and sweet, they were touched by an angel, an angel they have never met, only listened too and admired...do you know how rare kind gestures of giving are? My daughters were "touched", we all had weary eyes welled with tears. They, we, I, feel so very, very "special". I have taught them no matter how they are "treated" by others, as long as they can look in the mirror and that reflecting image is honest and sincere without farce... knowing they have to turn the cheek, again, whether it is 4 times or 400 times, this only makes them a stronger, better person and to pray for that person that does not fully understand their actions or non-actions. They are falling asleep to the playlist as I type this note to you. You have given them hope tonight, that a friend comes in many, many different forms. I thank you for that. You are in our thoughts and prayers, their crosses are next to their beds tonight......life is so precious and short....

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  28. The Gossamer TearoomJune 26, 2011 at 5:15 AM

    Dear, Dear Janet,
    It is always such a pleasure to see that you have come to The Tearoom to pay me a visit. It makes me so happy to know that you find peace there at times and distraction (in its most benevolent sense) at others! Thank you for your visits and for liking what I do, even when it becomes a bit trippy at times!! I really do keep my Mr. V entertained with it all, as you can imagine! Thank you for "getting" what I do, Janet!

    Biggest hugs to you,

    Betty

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  29. vicki archerJune 27, 2011 at 9:08 AM

    Do what you know and feel to be right Janet.....and you will know, I feel sure....xv

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  30. Simply Mel {Reverie}June 27, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    My Beloved Janet ~

    Friendships can be such complicated journeys in life, and my heart aches for you as you deal with the complexities of knowing when to let go and when to hold on tight. Only you know what makes your soul brighter and happier.

    Sending you much love and peace-in-your-heart wishes.

    Bisous,
    Melissa

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  31. KarenaJune 27, 2011 at 10:47 PM

    Dear Janet just thinking of you and hope all is well....

    xoxo

    Karena

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  32. Mélanie A.June 28, 2011 at 2:00 PM

    This is such a meaningful post . DO what you feel .

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  33. 24 CornersJuly 2, 2011 at 10:39 AM

    I'm a bit late in reading this Janet, I wonder if you've decided your path here yet. Your big brother is so wise, relationships are very tricky and confusing sometimes, you're not alone there. Yes, give anyway, but you don't have to give everything!
    Wishing yo the best...
    xo J~

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  34. AnonymousAugust 12, 2011 at 9:07 AM

    Every once in a French Bleu moon I wander through this site with the hopes of filling an empty place in my Heart & Soul. I once had the Very Dearest of Friends who very suddenly, for some still unknown reason, exited my life and all of the plans and dreams we shared. I've tried to reach out a few times... sadly to no reply. I still see my friend in my dreams and I see her in a few precious mementos. My life has changed in so many ways and I can't count the number of times I've wished she were there to comfort as well as share in some of the most amazing events ever... and for me to share in hers. Time passes so quickly.... I think I'll reach out again. And so, now it is has been done. I miss my friend with the Prettiest Heart & Soul. I will always Love You, even if from afar...........................

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